Teachers

Many years ago I was having problems with a co-worker. When he arrived into my department took him under my wing and showed him the ropes, we were on the same shift when he started. We worked together for about a year then we went to different shifts and worked apart for a few years.

A few years ago we wound up on the same shift by this time he had developed a reputation as being slow and not too bright. My patience wore thin quickly because it seemed like he hadn’t learned a thing since we changed shifts.

It actually got to the point where we established the 8 o’clock rule. We were on day shift and we started work at 6 in the morning. I developed a reputation as well of being extra grumpy in the morning and was quite prone to blowing my cool UNTIL first break. The 8 o’clock rule was for him not to talk to me and everyone else not to grab my “legumes” until after 8 am. After about the 6^th time I almost ripped his head off I talked to one of my Buddhist co-workers. We had been friends for a long time and she’s seen me overcome more than a few issued at work.

She knew of his reputation and saw me blow my cool a few times with him. One day during lunch I told her how bad I felt after losing it. I would apologize to him for ripping his head off and beat myself up over it. Then a few months later I would repeat the same routine.

She told me that he was one of my “teachers”. That, some people are put in our paths or timelines to teach us something. From that point on I looked at him differently. Because he was one of my “teachers” I figured out what it was he was here to teach me. And I took the time to learn and grow from the experience.

The last thing she told me when she left the company a few years ago was “Be kind to your teachers”. A few years later I made a point to walk with him to get his paper work as he was leaving the company. I know we weren’t as cool as we were when he first joined my department but we had made amends and were able to work together and get along.

As I look back, I have had many “teachers”. The lessons I learned from them greatly influenced who I am and how I relate to people. Right now I’m in a few class rooms; in both cases they are advanced lessons of previous subjects. And after these finals, there is nothing else for me to learn. It will be up to me to understand, incorporate and adapt.

And at the same time I will be kind to my teachers.

Trace

Down Range

This is an excerpt from an E-mail I got from my little brother.

“ Maybe it's just the warrior part of me, or that hunter instinct I get, but I just don't get it. I try to avoid the urge to get something that launches an object, but sometimes, I feel like it's gotta be done.
Maybe you can put this issue into perspective for me, so that I can understand, and help Mom understand as well.”

Jonathan

Before I address your Email, let me tell you a story. It might help.

When I joined the Army I enlisted to be an Infantryman. At that time there were 4 specialties in the infantry category. When I signed up, I went to basic training unassigned. All I was guaranteed was Infantry School and Jump School.

There were 4 Infantry Military Occupation or Specialties when I went in. 11 series = Infantry

11 Bravo = Rifleman,11 Charlie = Mortar man,11 Hotel = TOW gunner,11 Mike = Bradley Driver

A few weeks before Infantry School was over they told us what specialties we were assigned. Because of my high test scores I was given an 11 Hotel slot. My official MOS was Heavy Anti Armor Weapons Infantryman. My job was to blow up Russian tanks with a missile.

This is the TOW system in portable mode. When I got to my unit in 87 we had them mounted on jeeps, about a year later we got Hummers.

The TOW missile is a Tube launched Optically tracked Wire guided missile. It fires a HEAT High Explosive Anti Tank round. We used the TOW II missile; it had a range of 3750 meters. The BGM-71 was launched out of the tube with approx 3800 meters of wire attached to it. The gunner’s job is to fire the missile and keep the cross hairs on the target. The MGS (Missile Guidance System) tells the missile where to go through the wires attached to it. It can take up to 10 seconds for the missile to reach the target so you have to be able to keep tracking it until the missile hits it.

When I showed up at my unit after I got my jump wings, my official designation was 11 Hotel 1 Papa, 11H1P. Heavy Anti-Armor Weapons Infantryman Enlisted Parachute deployable. The idea was to drop us and our vehicles ahead of Russian tanks so we could ambush them. I don’t know who was crazier, them for thinking that shit up or me for going along with it.

We were often referred to as smart infantry. Whereas most infantry soldiers are renowned for being physical, we were more cerebral. We had to pay attention to and stay on top of many things in different areas. Our toughness was displayed in the requirement to stay in one place for 10 seconds while our opponent was shooting everything they had at us to destroy us or make us miss.

The TOW round was very expensive and it was rare for us to get to fire one. But every once and a while a live round or two would show up for us to fire. Usually they would give the round to a new soldier, a distinguished performer, or a soldier about to leave.

This is a training record showing that I was one of the only 2 expert gunners in my unit that year.

My last jump with my unit before I left the Army was a jump into Ft. Bliss in El Paso Texas. We were going to be there for a few weeks and sure enough we were getting 2 live rounds to fire. I knew they were going to give me one. I was always one of the few expert Gunners and I was on my way out. When I found out I wasn’t going to get one I was so disgusted I didn’t even watch the rounds being fired. My enlistment was over about a month later.

2 years later while in the Illinois National Guard in Carterville Illinois. My unit went to Ft. Mc Coy in Wisconsin for our 2 week annual training and sure enough my unit was scheduled to fire 1 round. It wasn’t going to be a live one, it had its explosives removed, but it had everything else. Another soldier was scheduled to fire it. But he told them he didn’t want to. When I heard that I went to him and read him the riot act. How could he turn down a coveted TOW round? He just kept saying he didn’t want it. I don’t know if it was the pressure involved, there were going to be lots of Generals and big wigs watching. Or the danger, missiles had a tendency to explode in the tube. But he gave it up. I couldn’t believe it.

The afternoon before range day they gave it to me. The next morning was spent preparing for the shots. There were 2 rounds, my unit and another one was getting one. Factory technicians went through our equipment, testing and changing components. Lots of brass was around, this was big.

To tell you the truth I wasn’t nervous or excited at all. I was an expert gunner, which means I qualified on moving targets up to 3000 meters away. My target was a dead tank in the middle of an open field about 1800 meters away. No problem.

I was the first to shoot. My driver moved the Hummer into position. My loader put the missile in the back of the launcher. And the Squad leader started issuing fire commands. He said something like, Enemy Tank at 12 o’clock approx 2000 meters. I looked through the day sight I came back with “Target Identified, Target engageable”. He said fire!

That’s exactly what I looked like, the exact same configuration.

When you push the trigger it starts a launch sequence. First the launch motor kicks the missile out of the tube, the fins pop out, and the drive motor ignites and rockets the missile down range. At the beginning of the sequence the launch tube and sights move around and your sight is obscured out because of the smoke. When the smoke clears you have to bring the crosshairs back onto the target, but you have to be smooth because you can over correct and lose the missile.

I pushed the trigger. I heard a huge BOOM on my right side. Everything in the lens turned white with smoke then cleared up. The tank was still in the sight but I had to slowly sweep the crosshairs back on the target. 4 seconds later I was completely surprised at how loud I and the rest of the crowd yelled as that round slammed dead center of that tank. It didn’t have a warhead so there was no fire ball but when that thing hit at almost supersonic speed it made a mess.

They gave me one of the dust covers from the missile and some of the wire that connected the missile to the system. I told my lieutenant to sign it. He put my name rank and date one it. For the next few hours I got more handshakes and pats on the back than I have ever gotten. I was huge, I showed em how it was done.

The dust cover with my name rank and position, lieutenant's name and date. I fired it on 26 June 1991.

I think the urge to send objects down range is more about proving to yourself that you can hit what you are shooting at than anything else. It re-affirms the fact that you have such control, knowledge and skill that you can see into the future. And know with almost certainty what is going to happen. You can look at something and say if I do this now this is going to happen later.

To be able to look at something a distance away and say you can affect it is the root of what a doer is. No matter what the objective is, whether it’s popping a tank at 2000 meters, reaching the top of a mountain or graduating from one of the most prestigious colleges 2000 miles away from home. The power of knowing you can hit your target is monumental.

Many young people have heard me preach this mantra over again. You are the sum of your experiences. That means your victories, your defeats, and all the lessons you learned as a result of them. The more victories you have the taller you stand and the taller you stand the harder it is to bring you down. You won’t win every battle, but the more battles you win make the losses less significant.

You rack up hundreds of victories every day. Just making it to school or work on time is a result of many victories, each one of them adding to the other. And the smaller victories lead to or add up to larger ones.

As a result of this, I think it is of utmost importance to acknowledge your victories and accomplishments. This gives you some understanding of what you can do and what targets you can hit. One of the things I did before I pushed the button on my launcher was I told the commander that the target was engageable. That meant I had gone through all of the weapon’s limitations and knew none of them applied. I knew I could hit the target because I had practiced on harder ones.

I think everyone should take the time to look at all of the targets they have hit in the past and the ones they hit every day. This will give them some idea of how well they can see into the future and what they can hit.

I hope this helps.

Trace

A before B then C

In March of 2007 I bought a condominium. It was built in 2006 and I am the first owner/occupant to live in it. Within 15 minutes of dropping off my first load while moving in, I knew there was something wrong. I could hear everything the people above me were doing, and I mean EVERYTHING.

The plan was to paint my walls first and unpack later. However I wasn’t going to paint until I figured out what was going on and how to deal with it.

It took about 6 months for me to get so frustrated that I brought the ugly tools out and started opening things up and looking around. A few months later I found the problem by accident.

When you install drywall most people know to put the top panel on first and make it extend all the way to the wall frame. This creates a 5/8” thick barrier between the room and the noise above.

This is what they did. They put the wall panels on first then the ceiling panels. This left gaps which they covered with tape and painted. So instead of 5/8” of sheetrock keeping noise out, I had painted tape.

Apparently in 2006, while in the midst of the housing construction boom here in Portland, the talent pool got depleted. So they hired anyone with a pulse that could swing a hammer. This wouldn’t have been a problem if there were someone showing them the right way to hang drywall. Since they were left on their own, they repeated the same mistake on every wall in my unit and others in the complex.

The upstairs unit has been vacant for a while now but I have a feeling it will be sold soon.

A few days ago, I focused my beam on the last room in the condo that needed modification. This is my extra bedroom that will be my office/recording studio. My laundry room is on the other side of the wall.The third floor laundry room is above mine. I could hear the upstairs washer and dryer every time they used them.

First I cut out the tape and widen the gap so I can fill it with compound.

What I am doing is essentially extending the top panel all the way to the wall frame.

Then I tape and prepare it for paint. Usually this is where I stop but I used this room as a test project to see if I could do something without any help.

I want to put this molding on the walls throughout the unit and paint them different colors than the walls. They come in 8 and 10 foot lengths. My plans call for 8 foot lengths. The one in the studio is 9’8”. If I could put that one up by myself I knew I wouldn’t need any help with shorter lengths. I made the stand as a helper, I named him Stan.

No Problem! There are a few things I will do differently but it can be done at my leisure. After that, paint. Finally!

Yeah, that's me. The one will all the SKILL!

Trace

Nature Part 2

As a Technician it is important to pay attention to facts, details and events to build a knowledge base. The larger your database the easier and faster you can size up a project or problem and start working on solving or finishing it. At the same time, if you are paying attention, you will notice some things either work better than others, or are prone to fail in certain areas under specific circumstances.

I believe the master technicians are the ones that have a wide database of the facts/laws of their disciplines, enough experience with the practical applications of those facts and laws to be able to anticipate various outcomes. And be able to apply what they have learned in different areas.

One of the first things one of our instructors taught us was mechanical principals are the same whether they are on a plane, car or space shuttle. You may have to add something to compensate for changes in density of air, you may have to use a different material to withstand one temperature vs. the other, but the physics, the laws don’t change.

Another thing MTs are aware of are trends. My coworkers and myself have worked around our model of airplane long enough to know exactly where to look for defects on the wings, fuselage etc. Every one is built to the same specifications, so if one cracks at the front of the spine cowl, you can almost guarantee you are going to find the same cracks on different tail numbers.

I listen to the guys on Car Talk, a call in car maintenance show broadcast on public radio, be able to make educated guesses to problems with cars just by hearing the description of the problem over the telephone. This is because throughout the process of building our knowledge bases, we’ve noticed trends.

These trends can be attributed to the nature of that system or machine. And it has been my experience that nature can’t be changed, it can be controlled through effort, repairs, modifications or discipline but its nature is still to crack at the spine cowl if the modification was removed, or hurt first if his or her discipline was diminished.

A few days ago my mother pointed out some things that are in my nature that I accepted as true. While not harmful at all to others the trend shows a string of failures and disadvantages at my end because of them. Society seems to have evolved and left me and people like me behind. Now, it’s time to access the situation and see what, if anything, I can do about it.

Trace

The Power of Static

Static is that noise in the background that gets in the way or interferes. The form we are most familiar with is the kind we hear however there are other kinds of “static”.

One of the latest trends in new condominiums with balconies is to incorporate a closet next to the balcony for storage, mostly for barbequing grills etc.

3 years ago when I moved in I thought this was the best way to utilize the space.

I had 2 dressers already that fit perfectly. Later on I needed more space so I put shelves on the walls to hold more stuff. I can remember taking pictures and bragging about my handy work.

After 3 years and countless trips to the closet, Tuesday I took one look at it and said there had to be a better way. I wasn't using the drawers because there was too much stuff in the way so most of them were empty. I can remember a few times when I decided it would be easier to buy new materials instead of mining through that mess to find what I needed, pathetic.

I took a step back and focused my beam on the closet. To my embarrassment, in less than 10 seconds I knew what the best approach would be. I took some measurements, and went shopping. I searched 3 places to find the best deal on what I needed.

This morning, I went to the store and bought what I needed.

That’s everything that was in the closet before. It took less than 2 hours to do, including a trip back to the store to get another set of shelves. I have more space to put more things and better yet I have access to everything making it easier to find stuff and get rid of stuff I don't need. I actually found a toolbox full of supplies I forgot I had!

The question I asked myself was, what took me so long? Do you mean to tell me I didn't have those 10 seconds to spare in the last 3 years?

I realized for the first time in more than 3 years I have had no one pulling me away from what I needed to do. During the last 3 years, I’ve put someone else’s projects ahead of my own.

Today, while I was cleaning out the closet, I looked at my watch and noticed it was about 3 pm. Usually at about this time I’m on my way to my usual coffee shop to be there for my “extended family” if they need me.

After 3 years, they have either grown away from me, left the state, or I've decided give their boyfriends and husbands the opportunity to be there for them and demonstrate their skills.

Now, for the first time in a long time, I can dedicate my resources to my own projects instead of theirs. And look at what I was able to do in 2 hours and 10 seconds.

On to the next project.

Slight Distraction

A few of my Zen Dogs at work pointed some observations about my demeanor as of late that caused me some concern. It was nothing at all alarming they just noticed that I’ve been on edge for the last few weeks about something. First of all, either they are much more perceptive than I give them credit for, or the shift is that noticeable. I told them it was work related. We are all dealing with the upcoming changes and uncertainty in our own ways. I told them the truth but at the same time I was concealing something. It wasn’t work related so I followed my doctrine of keeping other people out of my issues.

I dedicated yesterday, today and tomorrow to figuring out what is going on. Yesterday after a short bike ride, some great planning and watching one of the best movies I’ve ever seen, Predators, I went for a drive to chase the sun, there was still sunlight here at 10pm. During the drive I started putting some pieces together and it hit me. It’s one of those life things people have been telling you for ages but you don’t understand until you can translate it into your own language and examine it with your own lenses.

This morning, Tuesday, I got up, did some more planning and took another ride. The intent was to ride to the river however a mile into the ride I realized I was way over dressed so I turned around to drop a layer or two. On my way back I stopped at a red light, there were no cars coming so I peddled across. When I got about 20 yards from the street, a passenger in a car stuck his head out as he passed me and yelled something about me going through the red light. I retorted with 2 words, the last one was OFF! He yelled something I couldn’t understand as they drove away.

I actually said a silent prayer to the war Gods that they would be waiting for me at the next light or corner. It was something like “please give me this opportunity to test my skill”. I’m the leanest Ive ever been, there is something burning my biscuits, and I SAW PREDATORS LAST NIGHT. In reality soon as he yelled at me I recognized him as one of the Portland worms that have been the bane of my existence for the last few years, another coward at 1000 paces. So within a microsecond my radar chirped non threat.

On the rest of the way home realized how way out of character that was for me. One of the Zen Dogs asked me a long time ago “What would you do if a worm insulted you as you walked by it?” ever since then it’s been my approach to ignore them, there effin worms!

I went home and dropped a few layers and rode to the river and did my 14 mile meditation. The Blog about the enlightenment will have to wait.

Trace

Nature

3 summers ago, The first summer in my new place, I went home after work one night. When I turned on the lights to my surprise and disgust I was welcomed home to the sight of hundreds of flies swarming in my kitchen. Each one was a copy of the other.

After spending a good part of the night shoeing flies out of the back door, sucking them out of the air and off of windows with a shop vac. It was time for me to figure out where they came from. It turned out that because I lived on the second floor and left my back door open so my cats could hang out on the balcony, flies had come in and laid eggs on their food some time earlier.

This posed a problem. How could I leave my door open so my monsters to go out on the balcony without going through that again? A fly is wired to fly around and look for things to lay eggs on. It’s their nature, it’s what they do and have been doing for millions of years.

There are people who are wired to do damage, not care, or drain as much out of a person that they can.There are guys out there who’s #1 goal is to drive through as many women as many times as they can before they either “grow up” or die. It’s who they are and what they do. It’s their nature. There are women who exist to get as much money as they can from as many guys as they can before they “grow up” or die. It’s who they are and it’s what they do. It’s their nature.

There are people who just don’t care. Or don’t realize how much they are hurting someone else. And when they find out, they can’t make the changes the other person needs them to make to not hurt them. They can’t change who they are, just as a fly can’t change what it is.

It is important to pay attention to what people do. If they do anything to hurt, discount or mistreat us it is probably their nature. And don’t expect them to change. No one is worth the heartache, worry and disruption they cause. No one has the right to hurt us.

Ever since “the night of the flies”, part of my summer routine is to clean my cat’s food dishes the first time I walk into the kitchen when I get home from work. I had to take the responsibility to prevent another disaster. Flies do what they do and are going to keep doing it.

Ever since more than a few encounters with people with “issues” its part of my routine to pay close attention to what people do and figure out who they are. If they are worth my time and energy, great. But I'm always looking for flags and soon as they do something that crosses the line, they are done. I have much better things to do. We all have better things to do.

By the way, when I got home today after writing the text to this post at a coffee shop this is what I found on some cat food. I expected to find it. It's their nature. Its what they do.

Trace

AAR

I only served 3 years in the Army from the time I was 18 to 21. I did another 2 years in the Illinois National Guard but that time wasn’t as substantive as my first 3. It been is about 20 years since I had a green uniform on but some of the lessons and jargon will live with me till the end. Although my opinions of what the Army is being used for now, and some of the soldiers’ attitudes, aren’t very favorable, their structure and organization is second to none. What I learned from my Army from 10-29-1986 to 1989 has contributed immeasurably to my character and success.

One of the things the Army has developed is called the After Action Review or AAR. This is a procedure for reviewing a mission, real or training, after it is completed. Although the outline for a formal AAR is specific and quite extensive, the format for my AAR is more basic. What was the objective? What did I do right? What did I do wrong? Identify the problem areas and address same.

Many years ago I made a commitment to become the best person I could be. That meant identifying problems and addressing them. I see myself as a blade in the process of being sharpened. In order to sharpen a blade, metal must be removed, but most importantly, you have to know what side of the blade the metal has rolled over so you can remove it. In reference to self, this involves paying attention in certain situations and identifying problem areas, then taking the time to address them.

I earlier today tied up the loose ends of one of the longest, most important and delicate missions I’ve ever taken on. I just completed my AAR and I think this was the best one ever. I did have some difficulties but I didn’t let them get in the way of the objective, I just fell back on my code and my mission statement. It’s just another thing to thank my Army for more than 20 years later. We did well.

To quote a long forgotten instructor "lets get ready for the next challenge"

T1 out

Scars

Last night as I was doing my final channel surf before turning in for the night I saw the last few minutes of a crime drama. The agents were in a plane flying back to their base when they recapped the case they had just closed. I didn't pay attention to the carnage but one of the agents mentioned one of the survivors. That prompted another agent to recite a quote. It resonated with me and I told myself to remember it so I could look it up and find out who said it.

This afternoon I remembered to look it up.

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”

Kahlil Gibran

Scars are wounds that have healed.

Masks Armor and Shields

After observing humanity for so long I noticed some aspects of their, and my, personality that we use for survival. As in every case regarding people, all of us have developed or are developing these attributes to different levels. And some of use them for defense while others for advantage.

The Mask

A mask is a disguise you wear over your personality to hide who you really are and project a persona you want others to see. It can be consciously or unconsciously put on. The game face is a perfect example. You walk into a situation and you want to project confidence even though you are uneasy or even terrified. On the converse, there is something called the nice person mask. This is someone that pretends to be your friend but deep down, they aren’t.

The phrase, “showing their true colors” describes what happens when someone takes their mask off. Usually the mask comes off when the wearer loses the ability to keep it on, decides they are in a position to take it off, forgets or decides not to put it on. The mask itself isn’t a good or bad thing; it’s what’s behind it that is.

The Armor

Armor unlike the mask isn’t something that can be put on or off. This is something that develops over time. It gets weaker and stronger throughout the day, week and lifetime. In some cases it can be destroyed but shortly afterwards it starts to rebuild. A person’s armor grows and gets stronger with every challenge, heartbreak, disappointment, and failure. Every one you survive tests your armor and verifies its integrity. However, challenges that damage your armor, and you recover from, make it stronger. References to testing someone’s metal, having thin skin, or being hard are about their armor.

A person’s armor can’t be seen however it can be displayed in how they deal with things or carry themselves. Care needs to be taken when evaluating someone’s armor because some people use boasts of their armor as a mask only to show their true colors when it’s tested.

The Shield

No matter how strong someone’s armor is it can’t cover every place to the same degree. There are places where it isn’t as strong as other places. These places are referred to as “soft spots” or “buttons”. The shield is used to protect these areas. Unlike the armor, the shield is not only used to stop things from “getting to you” it is also used to stop things from coming from you that can expose a weakness.

A shield is put up as soon as a situation involving a “sensitive area” is recognized. Sometimes we have warning before a situation and we can prepare ourselves. Sometimes we get caught off guard. An incident that has stuck with me for many years comes to mind. A friend of mine who was an ER nurse saw an accident on the road and conveyed to me how disappointed she was on how she reacted to the blood. She saw blood every day but wasn’t prepared to see it on the street. Her shield was down.

As we journey through our paths we will experience people who weren’t who they pretended to be. We will survive things that make us stronger. And hopefully we recognize where we are strongest and weakest and act accordingly. I do believe we have more control than we think as to how we develop these attributes. It just takes awareness, time, patience, and understanding.

Gambate